Out of spite, out of mind?‏

Someone I know openly admitted to having kept her ex-husband's surname out of spite. To annoyingly remind his second wife that she was there before. And during, to be precise. As wife number 2, her closest friend at the time, took too literal an interpretation to the word 'sharing' and decided to extend it to the bedroom.
Looking at it from another angle, it seems to me that the surname in question may also represent for the holder a continuous reminder of a sour ending. Of the one who ran off with the best friend. Cutting-off-nose-to-spite-face comes to mind.

Love is a well-known no-rule zone. No need for the puritanical look of protest. If you have never broken a rule, you have never been in love. In any case, let's face it, collateral damage, the likelihood of hurting an unarmed bystander is high, very high. Even if you behave by the book, chances are there is someone out there who cried for your actions. Nothing to be blamed for. Just the nature of the game.

Anyway, that's not the point. The point here is healing. How we heal. If ever. And if revenge makes the process easier. Or sweeter. In summary, does holding a grudge help mending a broken heart?

Speaking from personal experience, after being dumped, I once.. Sorry, can't say that, he may be reading. Another time I helped a friend.. No, can't admit to that either.. Hang on, this one should be safe: an ex could not type his new girlfriend's name because a couple of keys had mysteriously disappeared from his laptop. And phone. And home computer.. You can never be sure enough..

One can be an optimist, like Single Friend #1, who bounces back after each misadventure. Or stay sour. Like me? No, never. I am just.. Italian. The flame eventually dies down, and everybody is happy again. No serious harm done.

Happiness

Would you rather be tormented, but creative and productive, or happy, but borderline boring?

Happiness. Big word.

A few people in the past weeks said that I look happy. Two reactions: incredulity (I have been feeling quite ill, so not really on top of the world) and terror. Of something catastrophic about to happen to wipe out my presumed bliss.

Truth is, although we all strive for happiness, once we reach it the risk is to become complacent. Or paranoid. Fear of change. The desperate maintenance of the status quo.

Research shows that happy people are more successful, better looking and longer living. On the other hand, neurotics are likely to die young. Great.

I just wonder if the linchpin is in the search, in the creation of goals. Positive, happy goals. To be able to enjoy the actual journey, not the destination. To reach a state of inner contentment that allows you to centre when things go tits up.

Imagine a stable equilibrium: when it is disturbed, it spontaneously restores itself, like a golf ball flicked out of its hole that rolls down the slope and back in position. We can't stop shit from happening and we can't sit at the bottom of the hole, eyes and ears shut, hoping never to be disturbed. But we can work on building that pull, that anchor, that stability that allows us to be happy and yet moving.

I am not making much sense, am I? Blame my presumed happiness for it.