Secret friends

I have recently learnt that creating a fictional friend is an healthy step in the development of a child's psyche. As long as they retain the separation between reality and imagination, and know when they are talking to a made-up character versus a flesh and blood human (the chiasm is actually intended).

But what about grown-ups? Is it still acceptable to have an unreal confidante? Probably not. That is why we have secret friends.

A secret friend is someone nobody knows how close they are to us, how much personal information is exchanged with, how and when communication happens. A secret friend is our best mate, even if we wouldn't necessarily qualify them as such - at least officially. A secret friend is usually impossible to present to parents or partners, because, according to socio-economic conventions, we were not supposed to be their friends in the first place.

I can see you frowning, with a slight judgmental look in your eyes.. Relax, nothing dodgy here. This is the key: what is said to a secret friend, stays with the secret friend. And you know why? Because to the outside world the friend doesn't exist. To misquote Plato, the secret friend belongs to the world of ideas, not to the world of experience. Like an imaginary friend. Makes sense now?

During our day life, we are all wearing some sorts of masks - of respectability, intelligence, joviality, patience, authority. We do it at work, with our family, in our social life. Even in the privacy of our own home. Certain thoughts, dreams, wishes, fantasies are just not to be shared, as they would forever alter the external perception of us. And yet, sometimes we desperately need to evade the iron maiden of societal constrictions and voice our bizarre self. Or just say something inconsequential, just because we like the sound of it. A resolution that won't be maintained. A concern that can't be expressed. A complaint not allowed to be put forward. A vanity that would be otherwise ridiculed.

In addition, there is an element of childhood wonder that we should be aiming to keep throughout our lives. Of harmless, playful conspiracy to shield us, every now and again, from the seriousness of our commitments. Of hidden loyalty, undisclosed pacts and stormy fights. Which would encourage the continuous development of our psyche. As long as we keep separating reality from fantasy.

What? Me? Do I have a one? Ssshhh, it is a secret..