As I was lying in bed this morning, gently squeezing a japenourmous
headache out of my brain, I tried to distract my aching neurons with some
pointless thinking. For instance, I realised that the majority of my friends
and valuable work connections are the ones I made either as a student or in the
early years of my career. There are probably various reasons for this: the camaraderie
of the rookies against the system (before the system is actually represented by
us), the possibility (if not the expectation) of asking for help and supporting
each other (without looking like a weakling who cannot sort their shit out),
the hopes and dreams fuelling the positive optimism that makes you a person
people do want to hang out with, and the lack of a family outside the walls of
your office to run to at night.
This train of thought unearthed the memory of the one who
got away, of the university friend who disappeared after I made an idiotic,
thoughtless and prejudiced comment. Issue is, in our culture, thinness is
considered beautiful, it is acceptable and never frowned upon. We would never
dream of calling someone “too fat”, not to their face at least; but we consider
“too thin” to be a compliment. And so I did. When we stopped for a coffee, I
could not refrain from commenting on her need for at least a muffin or a cookie
as she was way, way too thin. My conditioned brain did not consider for a
moment that she was probably going through some very tough times, that she was
suffering from an eating disorder. I thought I was paying her a compliment. Had
she invited me to put down the triple soya latte for some green tea because my
aging arse was getting way out of control, I would have recoiled in horror, accusing
her of body shaming me. Only, I was doing exactly the same. She never spoke to
me again. As I tried to reconnect, emails bounced back, Facebook and LinkedIn
were silent. Sometimes I wonder if she is actually well.
As I lie down in bed next to my daughter, I commit to never
call her either thin or fat. Only healthy. Because that is all I hope she ever
is.
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