Good cop, bad cop – a.k.a, who’s in charge of the remote control?

Is it true that in every relationship there is the natural formation of a dominant/submissive arrangement? That one person leads and the other follows? That one has slightly more power?

There may be a couple of different factors at play.

First, personalities. Some men and women are natural leaders, they make decision, they like to be in control. Others can’t really be bothered, are happy to go down a beaten path and don’t appreciate confrontation. As my dad used to say, if two people are pulling a rope from either end, nobody is going very far.

Second, mosaic behaviour (not sure it exists, I may have just made it up). That is to say, we are all both pushy and pushovers, just in different areas of our lives. For example, I may be the indiscussed remote-control hogger and general stuff-arranger around the house, but adjust easily to main life decisions.

Third, unbalanced affection. Love is a bitch, we all know that. And - forgive me Dante for quoting you on this blog - it is not true that ‘amor a nullo amato amar perdona’. Being in love with someone does not make them love you back. Or, at least, not necessarily in the same measure. There is usually a chaser and a chased, an obsessed and an obsession, one who can face the idea of a break-up and one who doesn’t sleep at night worrying about it.

Good news is, I don’t think these patterns are set in stone. Au contraire, they are highly volatile. You can be a follower in one relationship, and a leader in another. Because you grow up, get fed up, or just need to complement your past or your present. Sometimes you are just fooled, by entering a relationship convinced of being chased, and then ending up chasing mercilessly after you are in too deep to get out.

Again, as my dad used to say, sometimes you just have to keep trying, until you get it right.