Dating in the age of information overload can be tricky. What is appropriate to share? When does nosing about become plain stalking? Where is the line between being reserved and stand-offish? How to predict when a written statement (even if just a few characters long) is going to come back and bite you in the butt? And, BTW, in certain circumstances, wouldn't we be better off blissfully ignorant?
Some time ago, American Friend had a Facebook squabble with a guy she was dating. She was accused of having too strong a presence on his page, of being comment-trigger happy, too enthusiastic.. well, basically of being her usual lively, curious self. She took the remark with a raised eyebrow, and moved on, keeping a watchful eye on her typing pinkies. Regardless of social networks, things unfolded between them at their own rate and, after not too long, they decided to pull the plug on the relationship. All was forgotten until last week, when she decided to have a wander on her now ex's profile.. Bad plan. His new girlfriend was all over his page, even in his profile photo. Can you imagine the wave of rage? Not only he had moved on (but that's another story), the whole privacy palaver was just a red herring. The truth was much deeper. Because the guy she was reading about on Facebook was completely different from the one she went out with. Or at least the one he wanted her to believe she was dating.
If you start creating different versions of yourself to maximise the chances of a successful relationship, it is key to keep all your personalities well compartmentalised. To remember what hat you are wearing with whom (partners, friends, family, colleagues). And what to post where. Because the most likely scenario is that at some point the sheer exhaustion of trying to be somebody else starts taking its toll, and either mistakes creep up or you just can't be bothered anymore. Or you end up with someone who wants to be your everything but doesn't fancy going out with an army of fighting egos.
Of course, we are not the same self all the time. We wear masks to suit the different roles we need to take on. Pirandello said it much better than I ever could: we are one, no one and a hundred thousand.
So, what to do? Be your odd self, with small chances of going out with the person of your dreams? Or pretend to be what your object of desire is looking for, moulding your wants, needs and aspirations to theirs, in your pursuit of happiness? Male Friend #1 once told me that in his difficult times he tries and resort to just being himself, taking full responsibilities for the outcomes. But then, I wonder, how do you know you are not just wearing another mask?
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