I once spent an afternoon with Best Friend's Little Sister in the Selfridge's lingerie department, in the desperate attempt to find something sexy (while still retaining a crotch), practical (how on earth am I supposed to put on a 30-clasp corset? Who am I, Scarlett O'Hara??), feminine (is it just me finding slippers with pink, fluffy bits something that either cocottes or old aunts would wear?), slightly naughty (without dangerous, poky, metal bits) and available in bra sizes above an A-cup. What did I leave with? An anti-shock gym bra. The first and only item to catch my attention. And the strengthening of my conviction that non-matching underwear is perfectly acceptable. OK, maybe not all the time.
However, to my surprise, a not too different experience awaited when, Father Ted style, I found myself dazed and confused on the men's floor of a clothes retailer. When did life get so complicated for you boys too? Sure, if you own big white pants, and you are not Sarah Jessica Parker wearing them ironically, ditch them now! What to buy instead.. your guess is as good as mine. The obvious answer is shorts. But, how short? How tight? Cotton, lycra or silk? Exposed or sawed-in elastic band? Patterns? And in the summer? Thongs are a no-no, but budgie smugglers? (He he, don't know why, but the words 'budgie smugglers' make me giggle every time..) Too much information at the wrong time, like watching a CSI autopsy while having dinner?
This may seem a superficial concern, but I will need to face my fear of underwear fitting fairly soon. According to my mum, as a woman hits her late 30's-early 40's she is enraptured by the unstoppable need to buy colourful clothes and extravagantly expensive lingerie. The female, less costly version of a Porsche. What am I going to do? How will I enjoy my well-deserved middle-life crisis? Please, let me have one, I don’t want to miss out..
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