Recently Single Friend #1 went to a fairly posh soiree. She was feeling quite confident, relaxed and pretty hot. While there, she received the attentions of not one, but three men. One younger than her, one the same age, one older (yeah, the Goldilocks of dating..).
The young guy flirted with her by text all night long.
The older man was kind and gentleman-y and kept buying her drinks.
Her contemporary engaged her in a deep and entertaining conversation.
Plenty of choice, uh?
Well, to her surprise she ended up home on her own. Not even a lift back or a goodnight kiss. Nothing.
They all declared their everlasting friendship, but nothing more.
The following day, she was in tears. 'What is wrong with me?' - she kept asking - How could this happen? If another guy tells me how wonderful I am and how happy I should be.. with somebody else, I am going to punch him in the face!'
Given my obvious shortcomings in the advice department, all I could do was to keep refilling her wine glass and light cigarettes.
But Married Friend #1, a wise and wonderful creature, came up with some interesting theories. 'These guys take themselves out of the picture before the game even starts - she confidently stated - They know they don't measure up and therefore leave the arena to avoid making mistakes and being ditched.'
No way, we both thought. No offence, but can men really be this thoughtful?
So I started asking more about the guys in question. And suddenly, it all became very clear.
Of the three, one was married, one was engaged and one lived in another country.
What Single Friend #1 couldn't see, blinded by some soap opera kind of romantic ideal, was that they all had the 'unavailable' sign up.
Realization number two.
Relationships are a two-way road. No matter how much you want it to happen, you want it to work, you want it to last, it takes two to tango.
Fighting against windmills is time-consuming, incredibly emotional and most of the time not worth the effort. Championing impossible challenges, even if you do try very hard, is a recipe for disaster. Wouldn't it be better to pick up the signs, evaluate the pros and cons and then act accordingly, before it is too late?
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