Last night at the Fun Lovin' Criminals gig, I was trying to find something witty, funny and sexy to write. Except..
First of all, I was annoyed, as I arrived late, ended up at the back, and, being, well.. short, I could see bugger all.
Second, I am stuck. And the reason why I am stuck is because there is a conundrum in my head I cannot solve.
It is not just Single Friend #1. Everybody around me seems to be in love. Now, don't get me wrong. I am incredibly happy for my friends. It is marvellous to see them blissful and dreamy. Even Best Friend isn't as sarcastic as she used to! What's more, everybody is enjoying passion against all odds. Against rationality, common sense and lessons learnt.
Quite clearly, in the past weeks, I have been trying to dissect being an EI and find some building blocks for future.. I wouldn't say happiness, but at least contentment. And that's why I am stuck. Somehow it seems to me even more that this love business is not something I will ever master. How come everybody else can somehow manage a sane relationship, while I pretty much mess them all up? Can't do serious, can't do light, can't do one-night stands.
And then something happened while I was jotting down these notes (yes, I am one of those saddos who type on their BlackBerry in public places). I got thirsty and went to the bar. And on the way down I discovered a tiny little spot where I could see the stage wonderfully. Like a personalized gap in the stairwell for me to look through. And that was it. I stopped over thinking and just danced along. And had a good night.
Tickets for tonight, tickets for tonight..
I'm not sure about enjoying love or passion. Where I'm sitting at the moment it's painful, messy and neurotic (why hasn't he texted me???). I'm considering your earlier posting about the fence, as I don't seem to be able to master this love-thang. Don't want what I've got and don't know what I want... what I think I might want isn't working out exactly as I imagine (think that is my control-freakery), so am consdiering giving it up as a bad job. Maybe I do need to stop thinking...
ReplyDeleteIs is possible that the answer is just that simple? Embrace the moment, live in the moment, and stop thinking about the next move. Sometimes it seems as if people treat love as a chess match that must be won. Isn't loving about letting go and letting it happen despite the need to control everything? The release of the need to be anywhere other than in the moment? Just a thought.
ReplyDeleteMy sweet Faraway, don't despair! First of all, he will text. If he doesn’t, he’s an idiot, and you’re better off without him. Second, fence sitting could be a good plan if you need to clear things up and decide on what you don’t want – you would not be far away, otherwise, would you? However, and this is a BIG however, if what is around you right now is a once in a lifetime opportunity that may just – puff – disappear, then what are you waiting for? Just enjoy it.
ReplyDeleteAnd, yes, embracing the moment may be it. I don’t know. I am kind of developing this technique before embarking on something I cannot control. I ask myself: Can I do it? Can I live with it? Am I hurting anyone – first and foremost myself? If I can deal with the answers, then it is a big YES!
It may sound as a chess game, MizzJudged, but I think you are right. Sometimes the implications may be disastrous, but, hey, the moment may be worth it. And there is nothing you can do to prevent it from happening.