Boys don't cry

Ladies, if you think that personal image is a female problem, think again. All the men in my life, before or later, have confessed insecurities you would expect from a teenage girl. I usually end up staring at them trying to figure out what they are going on about. They seem perfect to me. While they complain about getting old (no, that's maturity), fat (where, where?), bold (no, just sexier) and grey (ever heard of somebody called G. Clooney?). And even if they do.. Well, so do we.
However.. last night, Male Friend #3 went on a date with a lady.. 12 years his junior. Before going out, he called me in a state of panic. The conversation went pretty much like this:

"Beard or no beard?"
"What do you mean? You look good with a beard"
"Yeah, but it is going white, it makes me look old"
"No, it doesn't. It makes you look dependable and financially secure"
"Hmmm, not sure.. What do I wear?'
"Where are you going?"
"Usual, French bistro"
"Imaginative, uh? Then jeans, shirt and jacket, easy"
"My punk-rocker jeans?"
"Noooooo, don't even think about it!! First of all, they are AWFUL! What got you into your head when buying a pair of stonewashed grey jeans ripped at the front? You are over 45!! Second, don't use the expression 'punk-rocker' to describe yourself. You are a lovely middle class guy, just deal with it'
'Thank you so much for reminding me that I am over 45.."
"Sorry, sorry, I am an ass.."
"BTW, did you see, I have removed my year of birth from my Facebook profile.."
"I did notice. Ehm, would you mind also removing that you are interested in 'women'? It is kind of creepy.."
"Why? I am. Interested, not creepy"
"Do you want the truth?"
"Why? Am I ever going to get something different?"
"'Course not. It looks desperate. And the photo is creepy too.. I mean that shirt.. How many times do I need to tell you that hawaiian shirts should be burnt!"
"What's wrong with that photo?? It looks perfectly fine to me. Are you going to kill my confidence just before a date??"
"Sorry, still an ass.. OK, so, you are going to the bistro, then what?"
"Well, I want to take it very slow. I am not sure.. I will probably just see her off"
"..."
"What's the silence about?"
"Trying not to be an ass for the third time in less than 10 minutes.."
"That wouldn't be the first time.."
"Touché.. Anyway, I understand how you feel, and admire you for being so considerate. However, you don't want to risk missing out on this fine young lady, do you? How long do you think she will hang around for? Go for drinks!! If you don't want to move too fast, spend the evening talking, show her your vulnerable and sensitive (?) side. Otherwise, after saying goodbye to you, she'll jump in a cab and go out with somebody else.."
"Would she?"
"Ehm... Yes"
"Would you?"
"What's that got to do with me?"
"Would you go out with somebody else after dinner with me?”
"... Darling, sorry, the cat needs feeding. Got to go. Love you. Good luck!"
"..."