Spoke too soon...
Ladies and gentlemen, we have gone nuclear. I was summoned to SF#1's and it was Ground Zero. The fairy tale is over, the monogrammed hand towels have been shredded. Time to clear out the debris.
I wish I could say I saw it coming, but it would be a lie. Mine was a hunch, but even I wasn't expecting this.
Only a few days back Sexy Guy asked SF#1 to pick the kitchen tiles with him. The cabinets, the stove, the oh so convenient foldaway pantry. They were laughing at the sales assistant, posing as a 50's couple in the show apartment, making out in the beds department. Then.. then, he backed off. Just like that. This was becoming too much, too soon.
So, my question is: in a relationship, who makes the rules? And are we allowed to change them half way through? And anyway, what is the point of being right or wrong? Once the damage is done, what are we gaining from flagging a red card, from being the righteous one, if we are also the ones with a broken heart? Sure, saying 'you are an a-hole' may give a momentary satisfaction, but then what? They are gone and we are left rejected, alone and with a shattered confidence. And angry.
So, no, I have not stated the obvious to SF#1. I just sat there with her, holding her tight. She needs to live it, acknowledge it, cry it out and get through it.
rules... an interesting concept in relationships - especially when it's all new (as opposed to the toilet seat rule or the not leaving socks on the floor rule). The to text or not to text, to open up or not to lay oneself bare, to ask him to dinner or wait...
ReplyDeleteI think I am slowly coming to the conclusion that the only rule is be yourself and do what you need to do (apart from stalker-like behaviour may be) to be happy. In the long run, it is not worth - for oneself or them - playing by someone else's rules, trying to be something you're not. And if they don't like that, then - however painful - it's for the best. Believe me when I say, I realise this is easier to type than to live, it is a work in progress, and I suspect always will be.
The ideas of rejection and loneliness are more powerful than I have ever before realised - living in an era of 'not needing a man to validate me' I had scoffed at these emotions. More recently I have found that when it comes down to it, I am the woman I scorned. I think we all feel these to some degree - we are emotional creatures and feeling in whatever form should be embraced as living life. I know how hard this is though. And again, for me these are also works in progress. You are right, and all she can do is acknowledge it and live it. I am sorry it din't work out for SF#1 and sexy guy :(