The facts of life

If you ask for feedback, be prepared for answers you are not going to like.

The Man took me out for dinner to a posh Michelin-starred restaurant recently. Historic setting coupled with ethnic decor. French cuisine and international cellar. Attentive service and tables far enough from each other to have a private conversation. All was going smoothly. Until the main course arrived. Which was nice. Just, too much going on in the plate: turbot, peppers, chives, creamy sauce, bits of parsley sprinkled across the plate. The flavour of the fish was completely lost.

So, when the Hungarian metre d' asked if 'everything fine, madam', well, I couldn't resist. And just told him what I thought.. and he didn't take it well. At all.
That was it. I was black-listed for the rest of the evening. No eye contact, no direct questions. The Man had to order my food and my wine, because I had become invisible.
Really? Really.

Which takes me back to the discussed subject of feedback. To those awful moments when you are at the end of a review request. And it is someone you care about.
What do you do, lie and leave them in complete ignorance of their 'areas of development'? Or brutally say something they will never forget and forgive you for? I am not even going to dignify the 'how was it for you' in bed.. that only happens in films, right? But what if they keep on wearing a highly unflattering ensemble? If their karaoke singing breaks glasses in the storeroom? If you hate tuna and this bloody Salad Nicoise is on the table every single day? If coffee is, yes, delivered to you in bed, but is always burnt?

Management courses tell you that honest feedback is key for professional and personal development and to create a trustworthy work relationship. I see it as two-way road. If you are ready to accept negative as well as positive feedback, if you brace yourself to endure the truth and make something good out of it, then maybe delivering a blow can get a bit easier.

However, rather than being right, sometimes it is still better to do the right thing. To just smile and encourage the ones you love, because, no, they don’t look fat in that coat, and, yes, they are going to make it in the music industry.

Otherwise, be prepared to be shunned for a whole evening. Because some feedback is just too hard a bite to swallow.